As we come to the close of another year, I have been reflecting on my physical health lately and the lessons in patience it continues to teach me.
I was nearly six years out from my first cancer diagnosis when I finally felt ready to attend to some of my more difficult physical symptoms that came from my cancer surgery. While I knew immediately after surgery that it was in my best interest to address my new bone density issue, the layers of emotional complexities from family death, cancer and divorce needed attending to first. Patience.
I had moments along the way of beating myself up for not being more proactive about my bone density. “How might I have messed up my long-term health by not doing more physically earlier on?” was a question I asked myself several times along my journey. I felt a fragility that I had never experienced before. And yet, it was evident that I had to heal other areas of my life before I could put energy toward my physical healing. Patience.
As I eventually began my new physical journey with Pilates - a form of exercise I had never done previously, but felt was in the best interest based on my current situation - I discovered just how deeply disconnected I was within my body. When I first sensed connection and feeling in my abdomen where all of my muscles had been severed in surgery, I openly cried. Several months later, I added weight lifting to my routine - the primary goal for which I had been aiming for the past six years to address my bone density concerns. Both required a lot of personal compassion for my body and an understanding that building a strong body takes physical, mental and emotional fortitude. I had to constantly remind myself that I was beginning from a different starting point than any others in my past. Different age. Different body. Different set of circumstances. Patience.
When my cancer returned in 2016 and I had to have surgery again, I was well aware that my abdomen muscles would be shattered once again and a new rebuilding would be required. My first thought was that all of the hard work I had done would be lost completely. It was daunting and felt like a tremendous setback. Yet my Pilates instructor reminded me of our body’s ability to remember. And, sure enough, while I had to give my body time to heal properly and slowly build up to a physical routine, the time required to get back to where I had left off was minimal. Patience.
One of my favorite questions ever asked to me was “How are you taking care of your 80 year old self today?” I’m a ways from 80, but age creeps up on us - especially when we are on auto-pilot. Slow and steady incremental work on our health and well-being will set us up to be healthier at every age going forward. Regardless of future set-backs, incremental well-being work can support us more substantially in difficult times than bypassing the work until we are in crisis.
Health and well-being require intentional lifestyle choices. And it requires patience. I am approaching year four of my intentional physical re-set and I don’t look back and lament that I should have started sooner or done more. Rather, I am deeply appreciative and proud of where I have come knowing my small and persistent steps, despite setbacks, have resulted in me being stronger than I have ever been and have given me an improved physical, mental and emotional foundation going forward. Patience is a gift.