"STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES, BUT WORDS CAN NEVER HURT ME."
This saying never softened the blow of unkind things said to me as a child and I wonder if it is ever used anymore. While words used by others can certainly hurt us emotionally, we are often unaware of the pain inflicted by our very own words we use when talking about ourselves.
I continue to witness the power of language in my clients' abilities to keep themselves stuck and their abilities to set themselves free. Even the smallest of words we use to talk about ourselves in our internal dialogue as well as while sharing our stories with others can have a significant impact on our emotional and mental well-being. Yet because these words are unconsciously inserted with little thought to their power, we rarely recognize their detrimental impact.
Words of burden. When we say "I should...," "I have to...," "I need to...," we are unwittingly adding stress to our lives. These words put pressure on us to meet an expectation that may or may not be realistic or genuinely important. We get stuck when we continue to mistake these words as motivators when, in fact, they strip us of feeling we have a choice and often keep us from tapping into our inherent strength to move forward.
When we feel powerless, we stay stuck. Replacing even simple words in our vernacular can help us prioritize what is really important and reclaim choice.
A few years ago, I experimented with observing how often I used the word "should" throughout my day and then took stock of how I felt after using it. I was amazed at how insidious this word had become in my daily routine. While saying to myself something as simple as "I should walk the dog before heading out tonight," I noticed how burdensome that felt and how a sense of resentment bubbled up for me around the very simple act of taking my dog outside for a brief walk. I began trying on different words to replace "should" - words like "choose to," "want to," "would like to," "going to." With each one, I felt my power of choice return. I also noticed how these words gently shifted my attitude in the moment and had a carry-over affect throughout my day. It quickly became evident that my choice of words had a cumulative effect on my overall attitude and emotional well-being. This awareness of language has been a key learning for me that I regularly share with clients and they, in turn, are discovering similar results when they experiment with language on their own. Use your words for good!