I attended my first virtual funeral this past October. I was skeptical of what kind of closure, if any, I would feel. I also questioned how the presence of people on a computer screen could ever bring a sense of warmth or connection to a celebration of life. I went into it with a sense of curiosity and vowed to keep an open mind.
Meaningful connection for me prior to the pandemic meant quality time spent with a friend or colleague in-person amidst minimal distractions in order to listen well and share purposefully. And we almost always ended our time together with a hug.
Through a CaringBridge site, those interested in attending the celebration of life for my friend were instructed to email an individual to receive the video link. The email I received back not only included the link, but a brief personal touch point from this individual whom I did not know thanking me for taking part in the service. I felt a sense of warmth and welcome along with a small connection where I did not assume I would experience one.
Prior to logging onto my computer to join the service from my home, I made an intentional choice to behave as if I was in-person. I wanted to honor my friend and his family with my full attention and presence. Cell phone silenced. No multi-tasking. No reason to get up during the service. There were well over 200 people online. We were asked to share a story in the chat box about our friend for his family's benefit. Live music was played. Stories were shared from close friends and family members.
As the service went on, I felt a sense of connection building among faces, voices, and typed words in a chat box that felt even more special and loving than many in-person services I have attended. After logging off, I paused to reflect on the experience. I was reminded of the importance of staying open to the possibility for connection where we assume there may be none.
Isolation and loneliness are prevalent and will continue to be a challenge as we navigate the months to come. Often times, finding connection requires us to refrain from dismissing the possibility of connection altogether simply because things are not as they were. If we can bring different expectations and a different lens to our daily lives, we may discover some welcome surprises that will bring a new sense of connection in small and unexpected ways.